Perk up your ears!

OK, I’ve got a more relevant (or at least less facetious) blog entry in the works. But in the meanwhile, here’s some silly blather!

I was chatting online with Toby*, a friend who had recently seen Avatar and was bemoaning the fact that I would likely be the last person to see it, as Peebs has no interest. (Odd, since Titanic is possibly her favorite movie – Schindler’s List and It’s a Wonderful 24-Hour Christmas Eve Marathon being the prime competitors.) In fact, I think she might have a slight but specific desire not to see it. “Her interest,” I wrote, “is probably about -0.7.” This led to a discussion about exactly how interest should be measured – what units would one use?

When a dog is interested in something, it perks up its ears, so I decided that interest should be measured in perkons. Abbreviation: pkn. I considered making it a logarithmic scale, like the Richter scale for earthquakes, but Toby pushed for a linear scale, like temperature, and I quickly realized she was right.

A rating of 10 pkn would correspond to an obsessive level of interest. Neutral feelings are 0 pkn. -10 pkn, basically, is “I’d rather die than do X.”

Examples of use:

  • “At 11:55pm the night before the release of the last Harry Potter novel, the ambient interest inside Borders was easily a full 10 pkn.”
  • “When the movie was coming out, my interest in Serenity/Firefly was like 8 pkn, but it’s waned to about 3 now.”
  • “Now that I’ve seen that interview with T R Reid, my interest in reading his book easily climbed another 3 pkn.”
  • “If you’re engaged in the escapades of Lindsay Lohan at any higher than -9 pkn, you don’t deserve to have conversations with grown-ups.”

I think this could be the greatest faux measurement system since the invention of the microLenat! So now I challenge you all to start using perkons in your instant messages, emails, tweets, and FB posts.

If you’re interested, that is.

*Names have been changed to protect the Newtonian concept of Conservation of Pointless Name Changes.


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